The Top Five Worst Songs about Dinosaurs

Every month it seems like there is a new song on the radio about dinosaurs. Why? Because they are just so cool, of course. They go around, mashing trees, headbutting each other, rumbling over territory, and occasionally all while wearing sunglasses. But to me it seems like every new dinosaur-themed song I hear these days, is just simply a sloppy idea, and even poorer execution, not nearly enough to honor these awesome beasts.  Below is my list of the top-five worst songs about dinosaurs.

denver

There’s nothing strange about a skateboarding dinosaur wearing pink sunglasses, unless you’re homophobic.

 

5. Yellow – Coldplay

In the early 2000’s, Brit group Coldplay set out to make perhaps the greatest dinosaur song of all time, with their hit “Yellow”.  With catchy lyrics such as “Your skin, Oh yeah your skin and bones” (clearly referring to the first time Chris Martin visited a science museum in Gloucester and was in complete awe of an Allosaurus), the song shot to #22 on the US Billboard charts, but to me, overall this dinosaur song just completely falls flat.

 

4. Hotel California – The Eagles

Now a hotel with dinosaurs in California would be pretty nifty I must admit, I can only imagine Velociraptor bellboys that devour ill-tipping guests, and seeing a dinosaur in a maid’s costume would just be a fucking riot, but this dinosaur ode really fails to capture the essence of dinosaurs.  It’s almost as if this song isn’t even about dinosaurs.

Try harder, Eagles.

dinosaur maid

I told you, a riot!

 

3. I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry

You have to appreciate that pop-princess Katy Perry would even take a crack at writing a ballad for her love of dinosaurs.  Obviously the girl in the song that she kisses is a metaphor for a dinosaur, and the “kiss” is her way of saying she thinks dinosaurs are just pretty rad. But with lyrics like “I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it“, she may confuse some listeners into thinking that the song is actually about her kissing another woman, totally distracting them from the original point of this song, which is that Katy Perry thinks dinosaurs rule.

 

2. Justin Bieber – Boyfriend

Who doesn’t know this song, in which Bieber makes an attempt to swoon a dinosaur with whom he has grown infatuated with, throwing out feeble rhymes such as “Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t, I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe” and “Swag swag swag, on you, Chillin by the fire while we eatin’ fondue“, but I become uncomfortable picturing Justin Bieber twerking on an uninterested T-Rex, being the little douche that he is.

It’s a well known fact that dinosaurs always get a huge boner for Buzz Lightyear.

 

1. Nickelback – How You Remind Me

This one was easy, I just really hate Nickelback.

nickelback (1)

I threw up twice, looking at this picture.

 

The important point to take away from all of this I guess, is that no matter how terrible the song really is, as long as people are talking about dinosaurs, it’s still pretty cool.  Unless it’s Nickelback, then it’s lame as shit.

Do you agree/disagree with my list?  Let me know!

 

 

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