Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Stay-cation.

A poll on ABC news in 2011 revealed that 55% of Americans would not be taking a vacation that summer.  What does this mean?  It means we’re broke!  It means gasoline is too expensive to drive anywhere, and in the post 9/11 world it’s just too big of a bitch to get on and off an airplane anymore.  What it means, is honestly, sometimes you just don’t feel like lugging the brats one more time across the country, just to sit in some spinning tea cups.

Wow, that looks awesome.  Sign me up for eight hours of that, please.

Wow, that looks fun. Sign me up for eight hours of that, please.

One particular summer, I was single, and I was saving money for something.  I had a week of vacation time, and when I thought it over long and hard, I really didn’t feel like going anywhere.  I mean what was I going to do? Go on a singles cruise?  Lame.  Go to Colonial Williamsburg, to watch American Revolution re-enactments?  Even lamer.   I really couldn’t think of anywhere I would possibly want to go, let alone throw money at, especially while I was in the midst of saving. So I took my vacation time, and simply stayed in town all week.  It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times.  Pretty sure I did a ton of nothing that week.  But in all fairness, I was quite rested when I went back to work, and I still had money.

Fuck the beach, I have some chips, and these Golden Girls re-runs.

Fuck the beach, I have me some chips, and these re-runs of the Golden Girls.

But the stay-cation I’m sure is a much harder feat to pull off, when you have a wife, or a wife and kids.  Odds are they will want to go somewhere.  But here are some basic tips, to keep the stay-cation exciting, or to at least avoid complete boredom:

Plan a day-trip.

You still have to load into the car (which is a bitch, I hear you), but rather than driving for four days straight to see the world’s largest ball-of-yarn, you can always just take the family to a local amusement park.  Geauga Lake was one my favorite haunts for awhile, until Six Flags had to come and ruin it.  Sea World was another viable option, until I saw that documentary, and hated them for doing all that shit to Tilikum.  Umm, okay, so what’s left? Kennywood?  Anything fucked-up happen there?

Take the family to the zoo.

Because zoos are awesome, and more people need to go to them.  The Cleveland Metropark Zoo is very nice, and even the Akron Zoo is pretty legit.  However, avoid the gift shops at all costs if you are trying to save money, or you will end up spending $100 on a plush sting-ray for your kids.  Trust me, kids like dumb expensive shit.

Invite friends over for a cook-out.

Have you not read my last blog?  Get on it, people.

Have a backyard camping adventure.

Because nothing says camping, like enjoying the great outdoors, and still being able to go inside of your own house to take a shit.

When do you think dad will be done taking that shit?

Boy, dad’s been in the bathroom for awhile.

The main thing when taking any vacation, is to make sure you have fun.  And really, it doesn’t matter if you are spending a week at Disney World, or visiting the arm-pit that is known as Michigan, if you are not having fun, then your vacation fucking sucks, no matter how much money you are spending.  Now go get a tan, you look horrible.


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