Why I Don’t Call It “Christmas”


Every year around this time, I start to hear a lot of people discussing how we need to put the “Christ” back in “Christmas”.  You know what?  Maybe I don’t want to.  Do you know who else thinks we should put the “Christ” back into “Christmas”?  Kirk Cameron.  And he’s fucking looney tunes.  Don’t be Kirk Cameron.

Growing up, Christmas to me meant a visit to Santa’s secret shop, getting two weeks vacation from school, and opening presents from my parents on Christmas morning.  There really wasn’t much more to it, as my family has always considered themselves Christian, but they are about as non-practicing as you can be.  I’ve dabbled in religion myself, but I know it’s not for me.  I had moment of clarity as a kid, when I asked my Sunday school teacher why dinosaurs weren’t in the Bible, and why God made them.  She told me they simply overlooked them, and that he made dinosaurs because he knew we would need fossil fuels.  Epic fail.

Santa and Jesus taking a selfie, just like the first Christmas.

Santa and Jesus taking a selfie.

As I grew older, I only found more and more reasons to avoid religion.  I believe in doing what’s right, for the sake of doing what’s right, and not out of fear of repercussions.  And that’s okay.  You don’t have to be religious to be a good person.  According to a study in 2012, about one in six adults in the US would consider themselves to have no religious affiliations,* so roughly about 15%.  To put that into greater perspective, only about 16% of the US population has blue eyes**.  So on average, you are just about as likely to meet someone who is not religious, than someone who has blue eyes.  Christmas to me has always just been a non-secular event.

Every one of these assholes demands you to call it "CHRISTmas".

Every one of these assholes demands you to call it “CHRISTmas”.

Us non-religious folks are not alone, as other religions do not specifically celebrate Christmas.  Jewish folks celebrate Hanukkah.  The Hindus celebrate Pancha Ganapati.  Some families celebrate Kwanzaa.  Hell, some folks celebrate Festivus.  Who am I to judge?  It’s a free country, celebrate whatever the fuck you would like.  I usually get tanked while watching the Super Bowl, but that doesn’t mean that I expect everyone else to experience it like that.  Assuming that everyone you meet shares your Christian ideals, and believing that all other ideas are wrong, is really just kind of a bullshit mentality.  I thought what made America so great is that we embraced different ideas and cultures.

"And now, for the feats of strength!"

“And now, for the feats of strength!”

So in conclusion, I don’t care if you refer to it as “Christmas”, and I am not offended.  Merry Christmas to you, and your loved ones.  You can call the holiday whatever you like.  But when you expect everyone else to call it that, just because ‘Merica and shit, then you’re just being an asshole.  So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, have a great Pancha Ganapati, Festivus for the rest of us, and happy fucking holidays.


What do you call the holidays?  Am I a heathen?  Why is Kirk Cameron so bat-shit crazy?  Tell me in the comments!



* http://www.pewforum.org/files/2012/10/NonesOnTheRise-full.pdf

** http://humannhealth.com/blue-eyed-humans-have-a-single-common-ancestor/217/

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