If I Won The $485 Million Power Ball I Would…


I never play the lottery, as I’m not really much of the gambling type, but then I heard the magic words: $485 million dollars.  Holy Jesus.  That’s like Jay-Z money.  So today I realized, other than a couple of bucks, what do I have to lose, and decided to give it a shot.  After buying my ticket this afternoon from a local gas station, I know sit here and ponder, what would I possibly do what all of that fucking money?

If you solely win the jackpot and opt for the one time cash-out option, you are looking at about $304.1 million before taxes.  For the sake of argument, this is what I will do.  After you factor out the taxes, you’re left looking at a cool $185.5 million.  Not too shabby.  So let’s begin daydreaming…


Fuck Ohio… I’m Buying An Island.


I took a quick peek at privateislandsonline.com, and all told you can buy a nice little island off the coast of Florida for anywhere from around $200,000 to $24,000,000, so even if I settle on a quaint little island somewhere in the middle, we’re talking about $12 million, still leaving me with about $173.5 million dollars.  More than enough to get a nice little boat to come and go from the island, a couple of cabana dudes, and a man to make my alcoholic beverages with the little umbrellas.  Now we’re talking.

Building My House, MTV Cribbs Style.


Is MTV Cribbs still a show?  Fucked if I know, I don’t watch MTV, but if I did, I’d be building a house that I would likely see on that show, minus Lil’ Wayne.  I’m talking legit swimming pool, master suite with a California king bed, game room, and ridiculous amenities like a private theater, a bowling alley, indoor sauna, and heck, maybe even an Xbox One, because I hear those are expensive.  The cost to build my mansion on my private island could run somewhere around 5 to 10 million, so for arguments sake, we’ll say 10 million, because anything worth doing is worth doing right.  So after buying my island and building my new cribb, I’d still be looking at about $163,501.000 in my pocket.  Fuck yeah.

Paying Off The Family.


Now that I’m rich, everybody’s going to want some money.  I’m going to have family members coming out of the woodwork that I have never met asking for money, and it’s going to become a real bitch.  But I should have it covered.  Drop my folks a cool million dollars, which is more than enough to sell of their house, move to Tennessee or wherever warm they would like to settle, and there should still be enough cash left over for them to buy an RV and travel the country, or whatever the fuck old people dream of doing during retirement.  I’d have to hook my brother up with a million as well, and that would pay off his college debt, and give him one hell of a start on his future.  My cousin Donny would want some money as well, but we’ll cross that bridge when we reach it.  Odds are he comes and crashes on my island, and lives in the guest house.  Everyone else… yeah sorry, this is awkward.  Say hello to my new body guard, Big Black.

Traveling The World, Philanthropy, And Uh, Stuff.


So after buying my island, building my mansion, and paying off my family, I’m still left with a fuckton of money, about $161,501,000 at my count, give or take a couple million.  So what now?  With no job, and no responsibilites, I guess I am free to travel the world, and see all the shit that I’ve never had the time, or more likely the money, to see.  The Pyramids in Egypt.  Easter Island.  The Parthenon.  Also I hear there’s a “World of Beer” at Disney, that might be worth checking out.  Beyond globetrotting and getting drunk in far-away lands, I’ll probably become a philanthropist, because with all of that money, I’m going to start feeling empathy for those who are not as lucky.  Start a foundation for homeless people in the US.  Donate to VA, to help contribute to health care needs of troops who come back home to the states, and totally get the shaft.  Hell, maybe I’ll even fund research to cure some diseases in Africa.  Why the fuck not, I guess in life it’s all about giving.

Then most likely I would wind down my days on my private island, sipping daiquiris and watching the sunset.  Reflecting back on the life I have lived, and all of the lives I have touched.  I might even find the time to finally watch Game Of Thrones, or learn how to do Sudoku.  Because that’s the kind of shit bored millionaires do.  I can’t wait.


So what would you do with $485 million dollars?  Would you give some of it to charity?  Can I have some money?  Tell me in the comments!



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