Alexa Buys My Butt Wipes, And I’m Okay With That.

wipes

It’s been a pretty shitty weekend for us, so I felt it could use a little levity.

I don’t like using toilet paper on my ass.  It’s dry and unforgiving, and I don’t like the touch of it; even worse yet, neither does my butt-hole.

I discovered flush-able wipes about two years ago, and I fell in love with these things.  They smell nice, make my butt, butt-hole (and taint) feel clean, and overall I’m a happier person and a more productive human being.  But buying them kind of sucks.

I’d buy a pack or two here, a pack or two there, but it was never enough.  I’d find myself, alone in the bathroom, with a nearly empty pack of wipes, and the toilet paper staring me down, stuck in a difficult situation.  It was awful.

Then one day, I learned that you can buy a whole box of butt-wipes, online, delivered neatly and discreetly to your door.  What a time to be alive!  I got down to my last three packs, and asked Alexa to order me another box, and she did!  It was really quite awesome.  Again, what a time to be alive.

I now rest easily, knowing that both bathrooms in this household are securely stocked.  There are a lot of things to worry about in this world.  Taking a quality dump from start to finish, shouldn’t be one of them.

The End.

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